i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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