Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
