I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
