oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Randomize
