I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
