I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
