paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
