This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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