The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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