I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
