i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
