How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
