Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? Weβre gonna unpack that later
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Randomize
