I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
