Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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