Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
