Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize