since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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