I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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