bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
