My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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