Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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