we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
