so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
