and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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