well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
