we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
