Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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