Who did Billy Mays play for?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
