My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
