You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize