theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
