I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
