I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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