You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
