She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
