Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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