I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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