May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
