Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
