this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
