Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
