So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
