Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
