he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
honey bunches of taint.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
