i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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