...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
