I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
