hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm too high and old for this...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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