giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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