Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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