dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
