Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
