this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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