If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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