Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
