pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
