He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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