:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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