That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
