You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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