i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
