Pants 0. Shit 1.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
