Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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