He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
