Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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