i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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